The statistics of abuse are enough to make you want to stay locked up in your house by yourself.

I was doing some research recently and decided that I needed to really know the numbers. What I found out was alarming! Did you know one in three women has been sexually abused and one in three women has faced domestic violence?

So chances are if you are a woman reading this article and you have a mother and a sister, one of you will be sexually or physically abused, if not both!

So here’s the question… How does the woman who has had these experiences move past the trauma of abuse?

There are a few steps to heal from abuse…

Step 1: Heal

The first step in this process is to learn to heal. Slowly and in time, you have to heal that hurt, pain and shame that is associated with your abuse. To heal and become whole again and know what it feels like to be whole. The thing about traumatic events is most women don’t actually heal from them. They just learn how to put one foot in front of the other, in turn learning how to live with what’s happened. Learning to live with what’s happened isn’t healing, it’s numbing. All you’ve done is numbed yourself to the pain. You have just told yourself, “I’m burying this as deep and as far down the rabbit hole that it can go and never thinking about it again.” This serves no one. All this allows is for this event to now become a trigger for you later on in your life. And here’s what happens with triggers five, 10, 15, even 20 years down the road: they send you spiraling. They open up bigger and wider than they was ever open before and is similar to rubbing salt on an open wound. No one wants this and I surely don’t want it for you. So take time for healing.

Step 2: Love

Step two is to learn to love yourself again! You are not your story. You are not this event that has happened. This isn’t who you are; this is something that happened to you. Yes, it sucks but don’t turn your back on yourself and beat yourself up… you don’t deserve that. You need to love yourself and learn to love yourself again. To look at yourself in the mirror and say, “You are absolutely beautiful and you are worth it, worth life, worth happiness and worth love!” Don’t allow yourself to stray down the slippery slope to depression.

Step 3: Self-Care

Did you know that you are number one here? Yes, you read that correctly – YOU ARE NUMBER ONE! You may be a mother, wife or whatever but guess what? You have to take care of you. You can be nothing for your kids or your husband without taking care of you first. This is paramount. You have to feel good and be in a good space to be able to be the one that everyone can rely on, otherwise you may become angry, resentful or depressed and that helps no one. So do what you need to do to feel good. Take a bath, go for a walk in nature, meditate or do some exercise. Whatever it is that feeds your soul at that precise moment is what you need to be doing. And do it for YOU, NOONE ELSE.

Step 4: Forgive

Forgiveness is so hard to do especially when you have been hurt at the hands of another in a way you had no control over. As hard as it is though you have to do it. You have to LET IT GO. How tired are we of hearing that stupid song? But its true sing it all day long: LET IT GO, LET IT GO!

Here’s why: because not forgiving is like an extra punishment and it’s not for that person who hurt you, it’s for you. It’s like adding to your sentence. You’re already going through enough; forgiveness is for you, not your abuser. So don’t allow them to have any more ownership or control over your life, forgive them and don’t allow yourself to be taken advantage of again!

From this day forward declare that you will now be a changed person, no longer succumbing to the events of your past. From this moment, you have left your past behind you and stepped into the sunshine of your new life, of this new person who is you! Be happy and recreate this new person, give her your attention and your love, for she is whoever you want her to be.

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About the Author

Twyla Clarke is a Certified Holistic Life Coach, Spiritual Guide, Certified Reiki Master and Angelic Therapy Healer. She intuitively sees the root of people’s issues and offers guidance to heal those emotional wounds. She coaches clients through the blocks that have been holding them back from living the life they desire so they can feel empowered for success. Twyla is vastly experienced and  she incorporates all of her abilities to promote healing in all areas; cleansing auras, chakras and clearing blockages in the body before it manifests into disease. Too many women get caught up in their past story and allow it to define them. They allow themselves to become stuck, hardened by circumstances and left with nowhere to turn. Twyla is so passionate in her desire to support and empower women to Rediscover Themselves so they may also lead a life filled with more. A fulfilled and joy­filled life. You can follow her on Facebook.